Author Topic: My turn...  (Read 264 times)

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Offline hilldweller

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My turn...

« on: March 02, 2018, 02:47:48 PM »
A man walked into a pub with a sweating Ostrich under one arm and a sopping wet cat under the other and sat down at the bar.


"What can I get you?" asked the landlord.


"Pint of best bitter for me", said the man.
"Stella", said the Ostrich, fanning itself with a beer mat. "Is it me, or is it hot in here?"


"Pint of Guinness and I'm not buying." snarled the cat, shaking the water off it's back.


"OK, that'll be six pounds twenty, please guv.," said the landlord.


The man reached into his pocket, brought out the exact change and paid him.


Fifteen minutes later the landlord noticed their glasses were empty and asked, "Same again, guv?"


"No," said the man, "I think I'll have a Stella"


"And your, er - pets?"


"Pint of Stella", said the Ostrich. "And make sure it's ice-cold. It's roasting in here."
"I'll have a Pint of Guinness and I'm not fucking paying." said the cat. "And get me a towel, I'm soaking."


The landlord complied and said: "That'll be seven pounds ten pence, please, guv."


The man reached into his pocket, brought out the exact change and paid him.


An hour later their glasses were empty again and the landlord walked over to them and asked:
"What'll you have?"


"I'll have a vodka tonic", said the man.
"Double brandy on the rocks", said the Ostrich. "And make sure there's plenty of ice in it. I'm burning up!"
"Pint of Guinness and I'm still not paying." said the cat. "
And get me another towel, this one's wringing wet!"


The landlord complied and said: "OK. That'll be nine pounds twenty, please."


The man reached into his pocket, brought out the exact change and paid him.


By now the landlord's curiosity had got the better of him and he asked:
"Why is it that every time I tell you the amount you owe you always have the exact change in your pocket?"


"I found this bottle on holiday in Turkey with a genie in it and she granted me three wishes."

The landlord was intrigued. "May I ask what they were?"


"Certainly", replied the man. "My first wish was that I would always have the exact change in my pocket for anything I wanted to buy."


"That's a pretty clever wish. What were your other two wishes?"


"That's where I blew it. I asked for a really hot bird with long legs and a tight, wet pussy."
Brian.
Olde Farte.
Failure is not an option !


 

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